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June 6th, 2006
09:53 am - >:[
Me enfurese el hecho que ivan no me lleve al grado! Me pone furiosa, y me dan es ganas de no hablarle el resto de la eternidad!!
como es posible que lleve a Daniela, una estupida que nunk a sido ni siquiera buena amiga para el?
el ha sido incondicional para mi, estuvo en mi peor momento, el fue el que me apoyo, el que me escucho, el que a las 3 de la manana no llamaba el me contestaba y me escuchaba sin importar que el estaba dormido pq podia mandarme a comer mierda y no lo hizo! y YO estuve con el en su relacion no duradera con Stephanie!!! yo siempre lo apoye! lo escuche! le devolvi el favor! somo incondicionales uno para el otro!!! por eso es mi mejor amigo, y daniela... mi pregunta es que ha hecho esta pendeja por el? no creo que algo bueno o por lo menos ella lo que hace es para beneficio suyo... el siempre ha estado ahi para ella, con sus problemas, y ella? para ella es todo el mundo antes que los problemas de ivan!
lo que mas me emputa es lo que le hizo Y IVAN DE PENDEJO QUE ES LA PERDONA!
En semana santa el se fue para costa azul y ella para bello horizonte... ella lo llama a el y le dice ven que quiero hablar contigo, le hace gastarse 10 mil pesos en taxi para que vaya hasta donde ella esta solo para hablar con ella, en resumen ella lo deja tirado!! ella cree que el estaba borracho! lo cual no estaba y en vez de quedarse con el, lo deja... ahi! "borracho" si yo supiera que el estaba borracho yo me hubiera quedado con el, hasta le hubiera dicho a mi mama y le hubiera dicho que se quedara en mi apto si era necesario! pero no lo deja ahi... pq tenia sueno!... 12 de la noche... y a las 3 de la manana se va para el rodadero a rumbear hasta las 6!! y no era q tenia sueno?? que estupida! a mi lo que me emputa es que ivan se la perdona... asi de facil! es un marica! y se lo dije, la lleva al concierto... el cual yo fui.. despues del concierto fuimos a comer a jp... y la estupida se levanta y se va... SIN PAGAR... ni siquiera dijo hey presetenme les pago despues... solo se fue! y el huevon le valio verga..
la llevo al prom... y ella por un lado y el por el otro... y no dudo que se repita en el grado... YO QUERIA IR!!
por michel... pero de todos modos... el grado es como mas importantico... y el lleva a daniela... que estupidoooo!!!
>:[
siempre lo voy a querer... pero me voy a meter culo de emputada... no sabra de mi en meses!!!!
Current Location: mi casa lol
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/mice/angry.gif) angry
Current Music: Used to love her- Gun N' Roses
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April 7th, 2006
12:36 pm - today...
I was looking at your work...
I couldnt say a word...
my heart beat started to go faster...
For no reason, i feel alone in the "school aditorium" i look at this spider man t-shirt, your t-shirt... reminds me how much you love it, i take it... smell it and this scent, your scent goes in my lungs and... reminds this empty space in my heart... it makes me realize... that i havent forget you...
i have tried to erase all those memories but... i cant... they are writted with pen and erasing them with liquid paper will just hide them...
They are in my heart... in my mind...
I hug it and feels that you are hugging me back, makes me wanna take it home just so i can hug you every day...
Even im alone... i feel that you are watching me...
What is going to happen when you are gone to a city where i will not know whats up with you?
will i cry? probably yes
will i miss you? propably yes
the question is will you?
will you remind me?
i guesse things how they should be,
you on your own way and me by my own way...
"youll always be my spider man, and ill be allway your mary jane"
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/mice/sad.gif) depressed
Current Music: Precious- deprech mode
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February 23rd, 2006
06:29 pm - MY B-DAY SUCKS!
16 years old...
i remember that i love my b-day, i couldn't wait for it... the night before i always stayed awake waiting... but turning 16 was like... a normal day... no a normal no... a sad day... i just felt sad when i was supposed to feel happy...
everybody congratulate me... MICHEL CALLED ME! AND HE ALSO CONGRATULATE ME... i was so surprise that he remember it and called... what made me sad and angry was the ismael didn't called me, he just pretended he didn't remember it and then he was like oh happy b-day and said he couldn't come... i was like YEAH? REALLY? OH TOO BAD! that shows a lot of things... i was not waiting for a gift or flowers i wanted him to come that was all... IS THAT TOO MUCH?
i think that it does...
what a boring normal day...
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: magia veneno- catupecumachu
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January 21st, 2006
10:53 am - continue...
continuing with my dawson's creek episode of 10 or less minutes...
Kms got angry because of what i said i thought... she started to said she didn't care of what i said and i was like ok, fine... and she said i don't want to talk to you anymore... i laugh at her and said ok but she keeped on sending messages that she didn't care about it...
what make me angry and what makes her a bitch was she told laura what i said about her... i'm regreting what i said but i'm low math and laura too, and she talks to me and i talk to her too but i feel like a piece of shit, i feel unconfortable... we like "reconsiliamos" our relationship as friends but things aren't the same... KMS: (i know you are not going to read this but if you do...) uno se da cuenta quienes son sus amigos... y tu no eres mi amiga, ahora me voy a portar como una total ipocrita cuando este contigo, y eso me hace sentir como un culo...
at this time... i don't know i feel so sad... i feel bad because of ismael and i don't i think i liked him a lot... too bad... until the next guy comes...
Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: welcome to the jungle- guns n' roses
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January 20th, 2006
06:48 pm - 2+2= 4 and all men are the same...
new year...
new cloth, new live, new crushes?
always the next year you get to know the truth of everything... Last year i thought that Ismael and me were actually going to be boyfriend and girlfriend... but no, he's a total jerk...
i hate when people lies to me, or laughs of me in my behind.
we were a kind of "amigovios" we kissed and we hang out but we didn't got like the kind of "couple" relationship, i thought at first it was kind of cool, all started when i broke my foot he came to visit me, at first i thought it was because yeah i had a broken foot he's coming to visit me, because we are friends. then he told me that he had a girlfriend and i was like ok, just friends, he came to my house and we like just laugh and have fun AS FRIENDS, but one day i just felt like giving him kissed on the cheek, all the afternoon i gave him kisses, but then i though no this guy might be bored of me, so i stopped, and he started to give me kisses... and i was like O-K... the next time he came we started to bite each other i bite his shoulder and he bite my arm, but then at 10:00 he started to bite my cheek... i was like "hey that hurts" and he keep on biting me, and then he starteds to move to the right side, and yes we kissed and i was conciuous that he had a girlfriend but i didn't care... when we stopped we like stayed in silence, he said that he have to broke up with her girlfriend... i really didn't believe him, i knew he was lying but he wasn't but he didn't broke up with her because of me because she told something they did... and i knew what it was...
then we went to the movies to watch king kong but we arrived late :'( so we watch a colombian movie (mi abuelo mi papa y yo) and it wasn't that bad... we like kissed a couple of times, he took me back home and he came like came a week ago i think and we kissed, it was my dad's b-day...
a week or two weeks ago i thinking on what Sara (his ex) could have said... and what is that important she said... the first thing it came to my mind it was "sex" and i'm soooo impress of my brightness... they have sex and she told all her friends (WHAT A JERK LIKE IF IT WAS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF... WOW LOOK AT ME I LOST MY VIRGINITY) and i told him and he acept it... i first thought that it was something that pass in his past "lo que paso PASO!" but a week ago Ismael told me something that left me very VERY SURPISED... *REY: SI TE DARAS CUENTA LO MIERDA QUE ES ESTE PELAO Y EN EL FONDO DEBES PENSAR, YO TENIA LA RAZON! TE ODIOOO PQ NO ME LO ADVERTISTE... MENTIRAS YO NO TE ODIO YO TE AMO JEJE
Ismael left pregmant his girlfriend.... YEAH! PREGMANT REALLY PRETTY!
WHAT IS WORST IS THAT THE GIRL ABORT THE BABY!!! POOR BABY!
yesturday was the 25th anniversary of the school and we were supposed to go at 1:20 PM and give 3 clases until 4 very VERY BORING, which was very funny was that consuegra our section cordinator assisted and like everybody started to cheer and he look like one of those queens waving jaja!
After like half hour screaming like i was crazy "FREE DAY" WHICH THE ASSHOLE OF MABE DIDN'T GAVE IT, HE JUST YELLED "NO WAY" ASSHOLE!!
my mom made me go to my aunts house which she have came back from a trip of "bello horizonte" and we stayed there like til 10
anyway my cousin that is ismael's friend told me that we had to talk, and as always i asked "es algo malo" and "yes" was his answer... i asked if it had something to do with ismael he said yes and the first thing that came to my mind was sara i asked about her and he said... No... uff thank god but he didn't said anything, 2 hours ago i talked to my cousin and he told everything... i felt like a SHIT like the stupid girl that everybody laughs of and that all man can use.
in a summarie he told me Ismael just wanted have sex with me! (yeah what a jerk) and he does that to the girls of my age, he just like kiss them and have sex with them and the bye bye... OFFCOURSE THAT I BELIEVED HIM HE'S MY COUSIN!
anyway i called him and like try to get to a point that we were just phone friends and like i will talk to him just when he called... and i kind of did...
i told him that i did like him but i was just using him so i could forget of michel... and he was like "what a bitch" and he told me he didn't want a relationship right now, he prefer we stay as friends... FRIENDS?! FRIENDS HIS BALLS, HE CAN GO TO HELL!!!
GO AND EAT A PIECE OF SHIT! WHAT KIND OF STUPID HE THINKS I AM?!
if a guy does something to me, at the first time, he's an asshole but if it does it twice i'm the one who is an asshole...
***
in this kind of situations you like know who are and who are not your real friends... ivan is a real friend, rey is a real friend but kms... kms is nothing...
all started one day when i was hanging out with my cousins that came from Bogota and i was going to hang out with them, and i was talking with kms by msn and she told me she was hanging out with laura... laura is a good friend but she's one of those people you can't tell your stuff... kms told me that she was going to the movies with her... i told he that i thought that laura was hanging out with her when daniela could not hang out with her... she told me laura have called her a week ago, off course she did because she knew daniela was going to valledupar and she wanted to be sure that she was going out next week... ok i told i thought... she thought that i didn't want her to hang out with nobody else that me...
(i'm going out to rey's house... when i come back i'll end up the entry)
Current Mood: but sad...
Current Music: whisper- Evanescene
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December 9th, 2005
06:51 pm - ....
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ismael did came to my house, we sat on my studio couch and chat, we laugh and like cuddle after we ate really don't know from were that came from, jeje but we didn't kiss he started like to pat me but nothing else happened, and he really seems to consider me just "as a friend" and he thinks me too, but in the bottom of my heart... i still like him, not as i started but i do like him... just a little, i always thought that men look gay on pink stuff but pink looks so good on him, he looks so... i don't know... sexy i guesse....
My life as a student is going to change, and i will hate my mother for ever and ever and ever and ever (bis).... i'm felling JUST ONE SUBJECT BIOLOGY... WOW! BIOLOGY IS SOOOOO IMPORTANT FOR MY FUTURE BECAUSE I WANT TO BE A FUCKING DOCTOR OR A ASSHOLE WHO TEACHE BIOLOGY AND THAT IS GOING TO MAKE ME SOOOO RICH I HAVE TO PASS THE SUBJECT... any way becuase i'm felling WITH 6.8 OH MY GOD IT IS SOOOOOO LOW she is changing me of school, what is the deal with this woman! just becuase i fell a subject... she says is a very expensife school and that she's paying a lot of money for me to fell all the subjects. MOTHER: there not all, just like biology maybe physics, socials and math, BIG DEAL! and she wants to change me to this school names "nuestra senora del buen consejor" in shorter words "el buen consejo" a nuns school, yeah and i'm going to graduate from it YEAH RIGHT SHE WISH!
>hey in what school do you study?
>ehhh, el buen consejo...
those words ain't coming out of my mouth they're ain't i prefer to live in miami and and graduate from a public school that graduate from "el buen consejo" most of my cousins graduate from there and they are really intelligent... but that's not my thing, the school is just not my thing, i hate to study, i prefer to watch tv or do another thing that study, and they got a TERRIBLE english pronuciation, i feel ashame of her, i'm not saying my english is the best but better than theirs, yes. but they got an excellent spelling mine is really poor jeje, but that can change...
any way today i got a party at Alain's house and i'm going, a lone but i'm going... i think... ( (T) (T) )
The relationship with my friends is changing and i know our group will end up spliding... laura and daniela and sometimes stephanie hang out with marry mount and parrish kids, i totally hate those people, and they like don't call me or Mc so we don't hang out, Rey Rey and Ferni are now a couple, well a month and 2 days but our relationship as friends have totally change, i don't feel bad or something, i'm being a friend, i'm happy for her, but in class time she is not the girl she use to be we like don't laugh as we use to.... |
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Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/mice/blank.gif) blank
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November 25th, 2005
05:15 pm - Shit happens...
It sucks when the things don't work as you want...
It's better when the guy likes you than when you like a guy... i like Alain and i really don't know what's up with him, i mean i don't if he likes me, mc says he likes me and that he's like waiting to see if i like him too but i don't think she's right, that is the weirdest guy i have ever met, he got strange habbits (i don't remember one in this right moment but i know he haves) so i decided to not to think on him and just let him do what he have to do, if he likes me good and if no also good...
Today Ismael is coming to my place for second time... which is really weird... on monday i was on my mother's bed and he did told me he was coming but i thought it was not true, when my maid enter and told me a boy was looking for me and i thought that it was ivancho when i went to the living room he was there standing with his black border glasses and a pink shirt... he looked sooo cute... we stayed in my studio... there was no kissing... and supposly the doctor was going to take off the cast this tuesday,(Nov 22) but he decided to leave it one more week... and it sucks but with cast i'm going to watch harry potter, lol.. i'm not going to miss it! anyway what i liked to think about Ismael coming is that he still like me, but the sad true is that he just see me as a friend and me too but i want to make him suffer like he did to me...
revenge is a dish best served cold.- Kill Bill vol 1... if he doesn't comes it's better...
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/mice/bouncy.gif) bouncy
Current Music: molinos de viento- mago de oz
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November 13th, 2005
09:23 pm - i fell... :'(
...
i'm so bored!
on tuesday morning everything was fine, i had a fine weekend... it was a holiday so on monday we didn't had classes, and on saturday i went to the most bore party ever, but alain, (se dice alan pero se escribe alain) a guy a liked since december, well not like, i feel attracked to him pass by with some of his friends, he took he's guitarr and we sat out side the party... on some stairs that were near...
he knew how to play guitar, and something i like in a guy is that he play guitar... he is really funny and nice, i like to talk to him a lot but he got a problem, he believe on that stuff of the horoscope and the horoscope says we are not compatible...
really not looking for a relationship but if the things happen i'm not going to run away...
we made plans to go out this weekend...
on tuesday when i was getting to school, on a transport, when everybody was getting out, and as always i'm the last i don't know what the hell happen i fell on rocks, and when a friend helped me to stand up i looked at my foot and i had a ball, i think it was a bone or something like that, we went to the enfermery and when the nurse tool of my sock and show man i cried like a baby, it HURT!
she called at my house and said what happen to me, it was 7:30 when they called and my dad came to pick me up at 9:45...
ok...
we went to a clinic and the doctor put me a cast...
and i can't step on my foot until tuesday, but i can't do anything, and it's very boring, today my friends went to vc club, to party and i have to stay home...
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/mice/sleepy.gif) bored
Current Music: master of puppets- metallica
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November 1st, 2005
10:18 am - chinese astrology
Animal: Horse...
Thank goodness for open spaces, because the Horse needs plenty of room to roam! Energetic, good with money and very fond of travel, Horses are the nomads of the Chinese Zodiac, roaming from one place or project to the next. All of this Sign's incessant activity and searching may be to satisfy a deep-rooted desire to fit in. Paradoxically, Horses feel a simultaneous yearning for independence and freedom.
Horses crave love and intimacy, which is a double-edged sword since it often leads them to feel trapped. Love connections tend to come easily to Horses, since they exude the kind of raw sex appeal that is a magnet to others. This Sign tends to come on very strong in the beginning of the relationship, having an almost innate sense of romance and seduction. Horses are seducers in general; check out any A-list party and you're bound to find the Horse in attendance. This Sign possesses a sharp wit and a scintillating presence; it really knows how to work a crowd. Surprisingly, Horses tend to feel a bit inferior to their peers, a misconception that causes them to drift from group to group out of an irrational fear of being exposed as a fraud.
An impatient streak can lead Horses to be less than sensitive to others' needs. These colts would rather take a situation firmly in hand as opposed to waiting for others to weigh in or come to terms with it. The lone wolf inside the Horse can at times push others away, but this also makes this Sign stronger and is a key to its success. Horses are self-reliant and, though they might lose interest fast in a tedious, nine-to-five day job, are willing to do the work necessary to get ahead.
Horses tend not to look much at the big picture; instead they just follow their whims, which can result in a trail of prematurely ended relationships, jobs, projects and so on. This Sign really knows how to motivate others, though, and get a lot accomplished. Once they find some peace within themselves, they can curb their wandering tendencies and learn to appreciate what's in their own backyard.
The most compatible match for a Horse is the Dog or the Tiger.
Element: Metal...
Those of you born under the influence of the Chinese Astrology element of Metal are determined, self-reliant and forceful. You enjoy the good life and all it has to offer -- luxury, comfort and freedom, especially. You're like a reclusive film star: You want the acclaim, but you also want to be left alone. You create your own success, building your desired destiny with single-minded focus. Others look up to you in awe of your commanding, confident presence.
While you Metal individuals are strong and virtuous, you can be a bit set in your ways. No arm-wrestling with the metallic ones, either; they might break that appendage in two! You can be a stern taskmasters as well, demanding the most from yourself and those you love.
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: ghost of you- my chemical romance
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October 30th, 2005
09:54 am - halloween night...
i was suppose to be a corpse bride, i didn't found the dress so i pass to be a corpse bride to a barbie, but a barbie is skinny and i'm not that skinny so i pass from corpse bride to barbie to a doll...
my parents got friends from all the life and they all halloweens went to parties and they made different costumes to all the parties they went all the years so you could imagine there were a lot of costumes were i could choose, and the costumes were cool, finding a doll costume is not that easy so i pass from a corpse bride to a barbie to doll to a 80's costume...
but the costumes were in a "cuchitril" and in the back of other boxes and my mother was scared to take out the box and a rat come out...
well so i took the easy way... a witch, i had the hat and a black dress that was all...
i have been a sad day, after a lot of fights with my parents because i can't do well do in math and in school and if i lose a subject they were going to change me of school (they are talking seriously)my cousin, a very cool crazy girl appeared in my house, it's natural on her dissapear like for one month and then she appears, well she went to see what my costume was going to see, i showed her and she said it was really sad, she said "let's look into your cloth and see what we can put you so you don't go so... sad"
i didn't got anything, so she started to "think" and she said she'll be right back.
because i wasn't that happy, it was like 7:30 pm and i got in the shower, jeje
when i got back my cousin was back from her place, that is way far from my house, with a bag the bag contained things for my costume.
she had a black blause, a white skirt, i don't know how it's call in english i think it panty sock, or something like that, in spanish it's call "medias veladas" well she had two of those, they were like the ones of a prostitude, you know, black like with little squares... later i'll show it with a picture... a military skirt, well a lot of opcions for my costume, the idea was to make me a punk witch, jeje, but while i was trying the "costume" my sister entered with cat ears, so we said, "a cat"
so... i pass from a corpse bride, to a barbie, to a doll ,to a 80's costume, to a witch to a cat...
ok when i was done i had a black blause, a white short skirt, the "medias veladas" black hills, and my make up... a cat... you could imagine it...
my cat ears and a belt... a kind of punk belt...
i was happy with my costume that's what matters...
ok my cousin took me to rey rey's house, a friend of mine and when i got they were leaving...
i got in the car with a clown a nurse a "rebelde" girl and a prisioner, jaja mama rey was a clown, she was going to a party as clown, we went to pick up her costume to pily's house, the prisioner, and rey and me went off the car to pick it up, jaja everybody was staring at us, i think some were laughing...
ok... so we got to the party and there were just few people...
there was another cat, natalia she went with normal cloth, helibeth that was suppose to be a cow boy girl, angie a "punk girl" inside, a guy as a indian, dracula, the guy from the reyes (a novel from colombia) and ivan of a rebelde, (another novel) but i think that the best costume, was the one of alberto, it was super original, and he didn't talk he just did mimic and blow a "pito" man it was so cool and yandra was his partner.
while we were chating in the front side of the house people keep on getting in, and i had this feeling that something bad was going to happen, eventually.
a mazda 6, with black windows got in the front of the house... FUCK! IT WAS MICHEL'S CAR (my ex boyfriend) i didn't wanted to see him.
he rolled his window down and he was with his new girl friend, my stomatch mixed up and i was like "why!"
like at 11:00 pm everybody was there and the party got started like at 11:30 pm, we were dancing everybody screaming and dancing happyly, but for a while i sat next to laura we started to chat, and...
michel arrived with marcela...
he was supposed to be clark he was like he was going to a "quinceaneron" just that he had glases and his hair all with gel, marcela was supposed to be a baby or a girl i don't know something like that... he looked like his father, but then he opened the jacket and he sad a thing of super man...
well i stanted up and pretended to be having a good time, and i was... but always when i looked at him he was looking at me...
sometimes i think he doesn't love her... but i don't care, he is an asshole!
ok soooo... i got drunk... in the first time in my life i got drunk!
i was a drunk cat! but laura villarreal tooked care of me so nothing wrong happened...
pily... the prisioner sat me down on a chair and put me the thing the police man used... (esposas)
so i couldn't stand up... and my friends were all around me and i was like hey guys i love you, i love you all... pily was like hey relax...
my mother went to pick me up and she inmediatly knew i was drunk but she didn't said anything...
but i cried for michel...
i told my mother (that's something i hate, that when i'm drunk i say everthing)that i thought that i had surpass him and i can be happy again but i was wrong... and i told her everything...
moral: never talk to your mother when you are drunk...
this song makes me think on michel... kind of tell what i want to do...
I drift away to a place
Another kind of life
Take away the pain
I create my paradise
Everything I’ve held
Has hit the wall
What used to be yours
Isn’t yours at all
Falling apart, and all that I’m asking
Is a crime, am I overreacting
Oh, he’s under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I’ve got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie
What you had didn’t fit
Among the pretty things
But never fear, never fear
I now know where you’ve been
Braids have been un-tied
Ribbons fall away
Leave the consequence
But my tears you’ll taste
Falling apart and all that I question
Is this a dream or is this my lesson
Oh, he’s under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I’ve got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie
Oh my permission to sin
You might have started my reckoning
I’ve got a reason now to bury him alive
Another little white lie
I don’t believe I’ll be alright
I don’t believe I’ll be ok
I don’t believe how you throw me away
I do believe you didn’t try
I do blame you for every lie
When I look in your eyes, I don’t see mine
-------------------------------------------
i was trapped in a cristal box, i was his procelaine doll... but not anymore... he protected me...
this song he dedicated to me.
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to
Believe me
But I
Won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now
Believe me
Yo
I don't wanna be the one to blame you
Like fun and games
Keep playin' 'em
I'm just sayin-
Think back then
We was like one in the same
On the right track
But I was on the wrong train
t's like that
Now you gotta face the pain
And the devil's got a fresh new place to play
In your brain
Like a maze
You can never escape
The rain
Every damn day's the same shade of grey
Hey
I used to have a little bit of a plan
Use ta'
Have a concept of where I stand
But that concept slipped right outta my hand
And now
I don't really even know who I am
Yo
What do I have to say
Maybe I should do
What I have to do to break free
'N whatever happens to you
We'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to
Believe me
But I
Won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now
Believe me
Back then
I thought you were just like me
Somebody who could see all the pain I see
But you
Proved to me unintentionally
That you would self destruct eventually
Now I'm thinkin' like the mistake I made doesn't hurt
But its not gonna work
'Cause it's really much worse
Than I thought
I wished you were something you were not
And now this guilt is really all that I got
You turn your back
And walk away in shame
All you got
Is a memory 'a pain
Nothin' makes sense
You jus' stare at the ground
I hear your voice in my head
When no one else is around
So what do I have to say
Maybe I should do
What I have to do
To break free
Man
'N whatever happens to you
We'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to
Believe me
But I
Won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now
Believe me
Yeah!
(chorus)
p.s: Daniela llina is a nice person... love her!
p.s2: what do you think about the song, is that i don't understand what the hell is he trying to say, he likes me? he hates me?
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/mice/drunk.gif) drunk
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October 22nd, 2005
11:50 am - Happy to know it... but sad at the same time...
yesterday i had the courage and called Ismael but he didn't answer his cellphone... but 20 minutes later he called to my house, i saw the caller id and i left the phone ring and then answer like i didn't knew he was, we talk like for an hour and i could hold my self from asking, and i asked him what happen to the girl he like, he told me they hang sometimes, and i was like oh... and he told me, "you know i really like you" and i asked him so what happen, i asked him if there was a problem with me, he told me that my mother was the problem... so he thinks i'm fine... too bad but he didn't worth it, maybe i'll go to he's concert... i felt good when he said he really liked me, but it make me really sad...
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: warning- green day
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October 20th, 2005
05:20 am - am i obsessed?
keeping things in secret is stupid so i'm going to call people by their names, i'm tired of putting letters, I's name is ismael, and i know that he's not going to read this, none in a million of years...
i don't know if i'm obsessed with having a boyfriend, 2 years of my life i spend them with a boyfriend so i think it's fine if some times i miss having a man in my life... i'm pathetic, i'm like looking for a boy that can replace michel and fix my broken heart, being lonely is not bad and being lonely in this moments is the best thing that can happen to me, but i want to be with ismael and i feel angry that i can't but i'm not suppose to be angry with him. On sunday i saw a picture were he was with a girl i think she's the girl he likes cause they were holding hands and hugging,she's not that pretty, she's not prettier than me, but it's not what i see or not in her, is what he sees on her.
Sometimes i want to call him and ask him:
don't you think i'm pretty?
tell me the real reason why don't you want nothing with me, cause the thing that you are scared of my mother is really stupid.
do you think i'm stupid?
but off course i'm not going to ask that... i will love to but i'm not that stupid. I wish he calls me and tell me he wants to hang out with me... and i will answer NO and i will feel so good.
sometimes i wonder... what will he be doing, is he thinking on me? have he think on me? how is he feeling...
FUCK! I WANT TO BE WITH HIM SO BAD, I WANT TO SEE HIM SMILING AT ME, I WANT HIM TO HUG ME AND LOOK AT ME DEEPLY IN MY EYES BUT I CAN'T!
something i didn't like was that being with ismael, my cousin diego have been acting weird around me, he doesn't talk to me like he use to, i miss when we talk hours about a lot of things, he was like "my best friend" and now he's not... i know he have something wrong going on..
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: with you- linkin park
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October 14th, 2005
04:47 pm - grounded
my grades...
math 6.6
English 8.0
spanish 7.5
french 7.6
biology 7.4
physics 6.9
chemistry 8.6
socials 4.1
peace and democracy 5.8
art 7.3
computers 8.4
religion 8.7
sport 8.6
dicipline 8.1
my mother is angry with me... because i had very low grades, and she took away my laptop, well i founded and my dad told me i could take it for a while, my dad rocks! actually he didn't said anything about my grades, my mom got super angry.
anyway yestuday i went to my first concert ever... yeah what a loser
it was of juanes, really i wanted to listen to los de adentro that were opening the show, but i just listen to one song... buu too bad...
i had a good time... maybe when i get the pics i'll show them...
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/mice/worried.gif) blah
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12:03 pm - HAPPY TIMES!! luv my life!
something happen, that made me so happy...
On monday i had this weird dream that tooked place in my school, i had my uniform on, but the entrance of high school there were sofas (which it doesn't). i (me) went downstairs to the entrance and there were all I's (he) friends, i(me) remember seeing my cousin he had a blue t-shirt and a brown cap, he had a bad and he was in the arm of a sofa, when i(me) got downstairs I(he) passed in front of me, he had a cool hair style, like david beckham's, a pink shirt, i think it had graffiti, normal jeans and converse the point is that he doesn't wear none of what i(me) said just the jeans but he looked SO HOT! well as i(me) said he passed in front of me and sat on bench that gave the back to his friends, he was in front of me but he didn't said anything to me and i(me) didn't said anything to him, then this girl came and sat next to him, he was not prettier than me, i(me) know that. then he put his arm around her neck and then they started to make out, then andrea's best friend hani (he use to be my friend) grab my arm and pull me away from were i(me) was, he said "don't you want to make him jealous" and i(me) said "Yes but how", and we started to make out, he was taller than me... ok that's something i(me) know NEVER is going to happen, NEVER EVER!
that dream make me think on I(he) the whole day, i(me) don't know why. On monday's i have to stay til 4:30 on sport and i(me) couldn't hold my self from not calling him but i(me) was not going to do that... so i(me) just send him a text messege... i(me) don't remember what it said...
two days later while i(me) was chatting a girl named like me (lets put her mj2) well mj2 gave me the e-mail of a guy i(me) liked on vacations, well let's say i(me) feeled attracted... and i(me) added him to my msn list and we started to chat for like 5 minutes then he had to go... 10 minutes later my sister enter to the room with the telephone, i(me) said "hello" but i(me) could hear anything so i turned of the music and i(me) heard this man voice.... IT WAS I(he)...
I FEELED SO HAPPY, MY HANDS STARTED TO SWEAT AND MY HEART STARTED TO BEAT VERY FAST... he knew i(me) was like "ok why are you calling"
and he said "you are surprised that i called you, don't you"
i:me
I: he
i: well yes it have been a long time since we talk.
I: yeah, i recieve your messege.
i: (laughed)
I: and how have you've been.
i: good, good... well i'm falling like 3 subjects in school.
I: which ones?
i: math, socials and peace and democracy.
I: peace and democracy... hey you were the one who waved at me the other day?
i: Yes, and i said to my friend like that was you and she was like "damn i didn't saw him)
I: ha ha, at first i didn't knew it was you.
i: and... how's your work?
I: well that day it was my first day.
i: really! what was it like?
I: good, but now i have to wear a uniform, it's a blue shirt, jeans and boot that are a pain in the ass.
i: really why?
I: they are unconfortable.
then the conversation continued, but i don't remembered nothing else, just that he was the one who hang up...
well i got to go, this were the worst califications i have ever had.
i lost 4
maybe tonite i will update again and give my grades, i'm going to study...
anyway i'm just starting, maybe next i will get better grades...
p.s i went to juanes concert yeah!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/mice/stressed.gif) nervous
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October 11th, 2005
06:56 am - i'm always feeling angry...
i don't understand what's wrong with me! everything and everyone bothers me...
Friday:
I felt so angry but i didn't got any reason, i just felt angry...
On the first hour we had biology, we didn't made much, the teacher just talk and talk about the grade, i really didn't payed attention, i just know i felt the test, and what is worst is that i had a girl from my class (i'm not going to write her name, i don't want to get into a problem...) next to me,always haves snots in her nose, and they are like always coming down and instead of blowing her nose, she keep them there, and every 2 seconds she's like taking deep breath so they don't came out.. ahh! i hate that sound! it's so disturbing, well the rest of the day was a total HELL, well instead of art class that i passed the whole hour laughing with andrea. at the end of the classes, instead of going home i went from the school to a friend's house, mary k-ms. well we had a good time at her place, she was at the computer and i was trying to lear to dance in the game "dance revolution" i looked so funny jumping and doing my best. we (mary k-ms, laura and me) went to eat to mc donalds but i had such a boring time, first of all i didn't felt fine with my cloth i think it was because i was surrounded by lots of preps and i was the only punk, everybody had a abercrombie t-shirt, different styles but they were all abercrombie, all the girls in mc donalds are preps and princess i hate that!
the boys are also like that...
Saturday:
we went to andrea's place to a "party" but at first i went to mary k-ms place, and haha and play "dance revolution", well i passed from 2 feets to 3 that's a big advance... haha
when we got at andrea's place, were all the girls were suppose to stay the night sleeping, was full of people some of the school and some of other schools, when we arrived they have just threw to the pool the snot girl, jaja she was all wet and angry, we sat down and a guy they contracted started to tell jokes, which were very funny, but daniela llinas, the girl that is not my favorite person, didn't got none... what a dork!
but when the guy finished telling jokes the "party" got bored so they threw m-k to the pool, she got kind of angry but what is amazing was that she keeped her make up, they tried to throw stef, but he rboyfriend got on time and they didn't threw her, they threw andrea and daniela llinas...
well the "problem" i had with this girl, well i tried to know her more, and tried to talk more with her and she's not a bad person at all, and what is funny is that andrea gave some kind of juice with orange juice and they only one that got dizzy was me, for the first time i got dizzy.
well anyway andrea parent didn't let anybody stayed at her place for a reason i don't remember, anyway y stayed for the first time at m-k's place, we got at her place like at 1:20... we slept in her grandmother's room.
Sunday:
well i woked up at m-k's place, i had a big breakfast which i'm not use to with her parents, eggs, juice, coffe bread bla bla bla. i like her family, her dad is really funny, sometimes i feel that i'm part of that family but other times i just feel like i'm bothering...
we didn't make too much...
Today...
it was a fine day but something i hate is the people that tries to call the attention, i accept it, i did it but a really long time ago like when i was 9 or something like that, i have a friend, pily and she got this obsecion of getting thin, and is not that she's fat but she's not the thinest person in the world, and at first she started to throw her food, and it's suppose to be bulimia but what kind of bulimic girl is she?! everytime she threw up she told us! and then she just started to drink and drink water like a camel, and i hate that she's like telling everyone that she drinks water all the time... come on! i drink water more than she does and i'm not telling everybody about it! and today she got purple and she started to show everybody she was purple...
in conclusion she LOVES to call the peoples attention...
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: right now- sum 41
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October 6th, 2005
04:10 am - A HAPPY DAY!!
Is amazing how you could get happy by just seeing a human being from the opposite sex, it's funny because i can't hate a person when that person looks so cute, this morning i saw I, yes i'm suppose not to think on him, but this morning as all mornings we (my transport) pass by his place but i have never seen him come out of it, but today, after a sad week i saw him, he look sooo cute! well cute is not the word, he looked handsome, hot! he had his face shave, he had a cap (never had ever seen him with one) a white shirt (as always) and a bag, i don't know why but my hand waved... MY HAND MADE IT ALL BY IT'S SELF! HAHA!
and he waved back, at first he didn't recognize me but i think then he did, because it's funny to think that he was waving to someone that he didn't knew who was...
well my day was all happy after that... at french class that is at the 6th hour, we had a "paper balls war" it was so much fun i almost pee on my self with andrea...
andrea + me = hours of laughing...
andrea have been my friend since kinder garden but we have never been so close until now, we sit together and are hours of laughing, but i discover a person in who i can trust... she's a good consoler...
but every happy day haves a kind of bad thing...
i KNOW! i'm failing socials... i feel kind of sad when i think about it... and that on saturday i got a party at kopp's (andrea) house but daniela llinas is going...
daniela llinas... stephanie's cousin... stephanie is one of my best friends, i know her since pre- school...
well i don't know why, but now daniela wants to be with her almost all the time and that's sooooooo annoying!
i think she's nice and all but she's no my favorite person, she all "FASHION GIRL" and i hate that, she's always complaining about something, and that's very disturbing, i think that sometimes she's cool but there are two thing i hate of her...
1 that she's always taking away stephanie, for what? who knows...
and 2 that she always want to hang out with us and it's ok, but ALWAYS! she just appeared and pretends to be our "friend"
i have no problem she hangs out with us but always... we got our group and i hate that she thinks she's part of it, because she's not!
sometimes i want to ask her if she wants to marry stephanie and what it's worst everybody likes her! and i think mary k-ms and me are the only ones who really thinks she's annoying...
that's a really bad thing... i ask my self a question...
are we the ones of the problem or is she?
gotta answer that... someday...
well my inspiration level have reached the limit, my hand is writing for me, i don't know why but the english class with annette (the teacher) is being very interesting... i read this book called "flowers for algernon", well i haven't finish reading it but i like it, i really think i'm learning... but i still need more vocabulary...
i'm feeling really happy!
i think i still like him... too bad i hate to like him (I)
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/mice/happy.gif) happy
Current Music: cool- gwen stefani
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October 3rd, 2005
09:08 pm - learned my lesson, walking fast is not good
and i started another boring weekend, i got two fucking exams for tomorrow (biology and socials) hate them... this week is going to be hard... can't wait for the weekend cuz i got a party!! woo, lol (big deal)
i'll study later... like at 9 or something like that, i know i'll end failing the test, buuu too bad...
right now i'm trying to take him out of my head... it's stupid to like someone... BUT I DO! I'M A HUMAN BEING!... (let's call him I) well I is not my "true love" or something like that... but i love how he treat me and made me feel, but it ended before it started is that we jump from being friends to the kissing, lol could wait (that's not the true story why we are not going to talk anymore but i don't feel like telling maybe someday i will)...
but next time it won't happen again, "i learned my lesson, walking fast is not good, it won't happen again... i swear!" really i learned my lesson.
I'm trying to find my style, cuz... too bad i don't got one, i like everything lol, well not everything but i'm a punk girl who likes hip hop and rap not just rock and punk... so does that makes me not punk, cuz i really like dressing punk... so the big question is, i'm i punk or not?
wanna answer? later!
i'm 15 years old, and i don't know why, i want to make from now on my future, i think it's because i find out what i like to do and what i want to be when i graduate from school... a writer, not the best career don't know if it is going to give me money but it is what i like... to write... love it!
maybe someday i might put some of my writing here...
total stories edited = 0
total stories not finished= 4
total stories finished= 1... too bad
total stories read and been loved= all!
i wish i can have someone that can read what i write and tell me if it is good or not...
HATE SCHOOL!
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: p5hing me a*way- linkin park
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